Sanity Check: Love is a Duct Tape Purse

Love is a duct tape purse.

OK, maybe that doesn’t sound as appealing on this Valentine’s eve as the more traditional analogies… love is a warm blanket. Love is a red, red rose.

Way back when I was in the courting/newlywed stages of my relationship with my husband, I would have been appalled at the statement that love is a duct tape purse.

No, I’d have protested, love is romantic music, roses, chocolate, wine!

But now, if I had a time machine and could visit my 20-something self, I’d say: look, honey. If you’re lucky, eventually you’ll understand… love is a duct tape purse.

How so?

Well, over the years my husband and I have come to a few understandings about romantic holidays. Sweetest Day, we ignore entirely. Valentine’s Day, we say we’ll skip, and then give each other a mushy card or a flower anyway. Anniversaries, we always celebrate.

But two years ago, my husband surprised me with a most unique Valentine’s gift: a duct tape purse! Filled with chocolates. And presented with a heart-warming song.

He knew how much I love purses, so when he ran across a magazine article about duct tape purses, he knew what he had to do: spend 4 hours crafting mine—a jaunty silver and black striped job, complete with a sturdy base (cardboard covered in duct tape). He knew I’d like the classy stripes, the roominess, the nifty handle. And he knew I’d laugh raucously about such a gift—enjoying the humor in it. Which I did. In fact, we both did.

Knowing what your partner will find both funny and delightful… that’s why love is a duct tape purse.

A few nights later, I wore the purse with a royal blue purse to… the opera. My husband was stunned. You’re really going to wear the purse? he asked. But I could tell he was really pleased. And I wore it proudly. I have to admit, when someone would stare at me and my purse, I enjoyed gazing back with an expression that said, what?

Showing your appreciation for a most unique gift, rather than just stating it. That’s why love is a duct tape purse.

But then a few weeks ago, our 12-year-old noticed the duct tape purse on the shelf with all my other purses. Mom, she said, daddy worked really hard on that! And you haven’t carried it in a long time.

It was true, and I felt a little sad. I’m not sure why I haven’t worn it. Silver and black go with everything, after all. I guess because only very, very special events call for duct tape purses. I also realized my husband had never whined or complained—hey, I worked hard on that duct tape purse! Why don’t you carry it? The choice to wear or not wear my jaunty duct tape purse was entirely up to me—no nagging.

Which is also why love is a duct tape purse. No strings—or, well, duct tape—attached.

But tomorrow, if you see me out and about, don’t be surprised that I’ll be carrying my duct tape purse. It seems like a good Valentine’s tradition to me.

After all, I like chocolate, wine, roses and romance as much as any woman.

But I like even better being at a place in life and my marriage where I understand… love is a duct tape purse.