Sanity Check: Cat Boss

The Real Boss is Catalyst to Work

by Sharon Short

    Today is National Boss’s day, so I’m taking my cat out to lunch.

    I’m thinking maybe to a local fish market.

    Six years ago, when I became a full-time freelancer, I assumed that my boss would be… well… ME. That workplace conversations would be along the lines of:

    ME: “ Sharon , you’re such a great worker AND you’re my favorite employee! Why don’t you take a break?”

    ME: “Well, OK, boss, if you insist.”

    And then I’d go out for lunch. Or…   

    ME: “Boss, you’re the best manager I’ve ever worked for! How about I treat you for Boss’s day?”

    ME: “Well, OK, if you insist.”

    And then I’d (we’d) go out for lunch.

    But it turns out, I am not actually my boss.

    Candy, the black and white cat, is my boss.

    (We actually have two other cats, but Candy can’t seem to delegate anything to them. They just sleep all day.)

    Think I’ve gone ‘round the bend, that the six-year solo gig has gotten to me?

    Consider this.

    I decide I’m due a break from my many challenging projects--columns, for example—and start up a little game of computer Solitaire.

    Just as I’m about to place a critical Jack of Spades on a Queen of Hearts, in prances Candy. She hops up on my desk and glares at me. Then she jumps on my hand and causes me to click at just the wrong time and shut down the whole card game.

    I start a new game.

    Candy jumps on the keyboard.

    I start another new game.

    Candy goes boogie-boarding across my desk, riding one big wave of paper pile after another, straight into my quite full coffee cup, which in turn goes flying into a plant, which in turn falls upside down on my off-white carpet.

    Candy watches me clean up coffee, papers, dirt, plant. I return to my desk. I start to open a new game of Solitaire. Candy’s tail twitches. I sigh and get back to work. Candy settles down in my guest chair (yes, I have a guest chair. How else would I hold conversations with myself?) and stays there… until I attempt another game of Solitaire.

    It’s the truth. Candy leaves me in peace—until I try to goof off. That’s why Candy is the boss.

    But I decide that, surely, I can outwit a cat-brained boss. After all, I’ve outwitted human-brained ones before. So the next time I feel I need a little break, I forgo computer Solitaire… and decide to web surf.

    I run a Google search on Boss’s day and learn that Boss’s day is actually always on Oct. 16, but when it falls on a weekend (as in this year), it can be celebrated the Friday before or Monday after.

    It was started in 1958 by one Patricia Haroski, who worked for State Farm Insurance, and who thought bosses needed to be appreciated, too, and that such a day would help improve boss-employee relationships.

    Obviously, Patricia didn’t work for a cat.

    I’d research more, but Candy’s on to me. Mere moments ago, she jumped on the back of my chair and started kneading the top of my head with her muscular little paws when she realized what I was up to… goofing off on the Web.

    So it’s back to work for me. Until, of course, it’s time for me to take Candy out to the local fish market.